Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Discovery: Where is the 'cheating' line?

An anonymous source told me that young girls (aka the 20 something sweet young things) are becoming very materialistic. They get going with guys who have nice cars, fat wallets and are big shots at something, anything. Just how far they 'go', I don't know. No one does I suppose, until we run a sizeable quantitative research to find that out. We were even contemplating to conduct a social experiment - actually going out to 'fish' for these sweet young things. I was extremely curious and excited at that thought. Not the fishing part, but just wanting to understand the motivation behind the hunter and the hunted and everything in between. What do I have to give in exchange for a couple of expensive drinks and/or perhaps a short ride somewhere in some fabulous wheels? And what does the other party get in return from those expensive drinks and what is a couple litres of burnt fuel? A short dipstick around the table, everyone says it's for good clean fun. It's harmless. Or is it? Even if he (or she) is married? Is it still harmless then?

Well, needless to say it was all talk and no action around the table about going fishing the next night. And then. I got 'lucky'. It was a usual night out around TTDI area, the clock strikes 2 and I took leave from a supremely enjoyable company. While walking to my car, I walked past what must be one of the most good looking A4s around. I simply couldn't take my eyes off it. White, brilliant on its own but whomever who owns these wheels must have got really good taste. It has got multi-spoke dark rims, side skirts with a black panel, a sporty front lip spoiler that made the A4 looked extremely handsome and menacing at the same time. While I walked on, my eyes just wouldn't peel off from the car. After some distance, a waiter from the German pub ran up to me and told me that my friends were calling me. I was quite taken aback, if my friends had sent a waiter running after me, then it must be friends whom I owe my life to (or vice versa). So I turned back and followed him. Only to realise, they weren't my friends. There were the two guys who were sitting at the next table from where my company was sitting earlier that night. I thought they got the wrong person, I apologised politely and told them that they've made a mistake. Then Guy 1 asked if he could buy me a drink. I refused politely and said that I don't drink. Then Guy 2 continued if he could buy me a non-alcoholic drink then since he 'noticed' that I was having a juice thing earlier on. Suddenly. Just very suddenly. I got jolted by this great sense of curiosity. The 'fishing' conversation suddenly flashed past me. Here I am. I, was being 'fished'.

And so. I sat down.

My friends (and you, readers) must have been appalled by my decision. Yea. In retrospect, so was I. But anyway, I took a seat and they started making the rounds of superficial questions like living area, working area, working as, etc. Actually, truth be told. I was a lot more curious about them. Then I found out, both are in their late 30s. Friends from childhood. One is in engineering and the other in F&B. They must be feeling some great pressure at work or within their family/peers because they've been bar hopping since 4pm and I swear they spoke in between sighs. One was married, the other I wasn't sure. At some point, I was wondering if one of them owned the A4. I was getting quite bored and that could have become a very interesting conversation piece. But nope, no A4s came up. They went on telling me about their work, and asking questions about me, which honestly, being a rookie in this, I gave one word answers which I'm pretty sure was boring the wits out of them too. Sitting there, I was just wondering. What kind of 'stress' are they under that they would invite a complete stranger who walked off almost a mile away to sit down for a chat, who was not the least intoxicated like them? They seemed to be doing quite well, happily married, stable jobs, earning enough to start drinking at 4 - what could possibly be missing that they need to search for companionship from a total stranger? I would have sat there longer trying to decipher the codes until the dodgy flirtation kicked in. Then whoa! Time for bed. I expressed thanks to them and took leave. They expressed thanks too and let me take leave. And I walked back to my car.

In these fast moving times, times of instant gratification, of needing to get stimulated constantly, of quick fixes, of impatience, of boredom, of everything which leads to us needing more 'excitement' in our lives, we turn to pubs and neighbourhood bars. Not to hook up with someone for the night, but just to 'talk'. So-called harmless flirtation and companionship. What then is the social implication to this in the long run? The erosion of trust in the family (if the family ever finds out)? What is considered ok and what is not? And why the opposite sex? Why a complete stranger? If this was happening in pubs, imagine the cheating scene online? Generation X is the pioneers of web living. Tell me it doesn't happen at least once in their lifetime and I'll show you a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. No, I'll show you two. Make it three.

Or maybe. Just maybe. It's really all harmless. You meet new people when you go out, some become good friends, some don't click and some become dangerously friendly. This to me is a very interesting phenomenon. Because we may be witnessing a generation of people who are used to family divorce, separations and arguments during childhood and while growing up. And now we watch them deal with their own relationships to the best they know how and to the societal pressures. Almost everyone cheats, even Tiger Woods. Will partners (men and women) become more lax even if they found out? Is this acceptable to you?


  1. my wife told me its okay to get curious about people and is fine to chat people up and even fantasize about them. nothing wrong. is healthy. is natural. then she oso say, when you have wonderful encounters like this tell her, cause she say she wants to know what tickles my fancy wor. then i say to her, if its you, would you tell me...she say N.O no. :(

  2. Well, there. Women wants to know everything about men but when it comes to them having so called good 'clean' fun, sharing is caring no longer seems valid. Congratulations, you now have the perfect insight to women and cannot say you don't understand them anymore. You DO understand, you just disagree ;)

    p/s: If you ever did what she said, DON'T tell her :) That's my two cents worth.