Tuesday, February 21, 2012

What is your gift?

I read a beautiful beautiful beautiful, insightful insightful insightful piece of writing yesterday that was dated last year.  Nevertheless, it spoke right to my heart.

Ken Page wrote about how your deepest insecurities are in fact your greatest gifts.  And I have have have to admit, #damnitstrue!

A lot of times, there were things about me that I try to tone down because they got me into trouble countless times.  These 'values' were so significant and made so much sense yet they convulse the greatest internal conflict because the results, obviously did not measure up.  It's like a double-edged sword.  When you're too passionate, you risk burning everything in your path and that includes The One in front of you, the dream job (your colleagues think you're power famish), the business deal (your client thinks your psycho), or whatever the situation may be.  So you tend to cover it up with ashes, like how Ken knowingly put it: So, most of us set up shop at a point where we are close enough to be warmed by our gifts, but far enough away that we do not get burned by their fire. We create safer versions of ourselves to enable us to get through our lives without having to face the existential risk of our core.

So there are values that get us into trouble and as we grow older, we try to suppress them, we try to change them, we try to avoid them.  It reminds me a little of autism.  Autistic people, I believe, are geniuses buried deep within.  And it takes someone, just one person who is patient enough and who is blessed enough to see that gift and draw it from them.  And from then on, they transform and fly into awesome :)

But that's pretty much what we face every day, innit?  Us and our greatest gifts.  A friend told me he doesn't wanna be nice anymore, because people take advantage of him.  I couldn't agree more because this world is made up of a lot of suckers who leech on others till they are dry of goodness.  But isn't being 'nice', one of the bestest gifts you could ever be blessed with?  Not everyone is nice and tell me you don't agree with me?  So I had a huge gaping question.  Wouldn't it be such a waste to forego such a beautiful gift just because of these low life scums that perhaps should have been gotten rid of yonkers ago?  Why would anyone sacrifice such an important part of themselves just because the world failed to appreciate that?  Learning from Ken, perhaps the wiser way is to use this 'niceness' as a relationship thermometer.  You could immediately tell who's your friend and who's not.  Who's genuine and who's malicious because the result will show.  Sho' it hurts when you find out others took advantage of you, but at least you know that when you go through life, the remaining people are the ones who will never, and I mean EVER, take advantage of you.

I know my kryptonite too but I'm not about to share it here.  But yes... guilty!  I thought I was cursed.  Because they made me vulnerable.  People saw me and thought I was crazy.  They didn't believe I was genuine.  They didn't believe there was no catch.  I was misunderstood.  I lost friends.  I lost people whom I thought I could trust.  So on and so forth - yea, the usual.

But well, thanks to Ken Page, I now have a different perspective.  The ironic thing was I could see it when my friend was telling me the exact same thing.  Yet, I could never have worked it out on my own :)

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