Monday, September 19, 2011

Understanding wo(man).

Sometime today, I read on somebody's Facebook wall about 10 things women say and what they really mean. The gist was women never mean what they say and never say what they really mean. Without meaning to launch into another cliché 'battle of the sex' sort of scenario, I thought I'd skip the rebuttal, instead explore further insights to why women behave that way, to save everyone some heartache stemmed from perhaps, the many unnecessary arguments that should rise.

First of all, when we understand that both Mars and Venus are separated with a distance ranging from approximately 50 to 350 million kilometres (due to their different orbits), then surely there must be a time difference? Like how the East always lives a day ahead from the West, it's only logical for both Mars and Venus to have different time zones too. Hence, Martians and Venusians always have conflicting time reference. The usage of 'future' and 'this moment' is complicated but at the same time, can be simply explained; like magnets, always at the exact opposite of each other. Promises made at 'this moment' by Martians may not be extended as expected for Venusians. However, sometimes the usage swaps. For instance, doing house chores may mean 'at this moment' to Venusians but to Martians, it means 'soon'. To avoid such situations from rising, all you need to do is try swapping your perspectives. Both men and women alike, refer to the GMT and stick to your guns.

Secondly, it's true. After all the bad press women get from labels of 'psychotic girlfriend' to 'PMS mess', no wonder they don't want to be associated to their gender traits. Such as: Taking too long to get dressed, becoming too nag-gy, say they don't mind but they do, etc. Men on the other hand, though they don't get much good review too, they somehow seem to be able to swallow things easier, complete with a good chest-beating 'yeah, I'm a man, I'm like that!'. It's weird. It sounds almost like men pride to live up to their wayward habits and not women. Actually, it's confusing if you ask me. Why do women tell you they don't mind your feline best friend and get jealous after that? Because they are both understanding and possessive by nature. Obviously, no prize for guessing which is the stronger emotion when the internal struggle begins. So mate, it's not that she is going against her words. It is simply because her perspective has changed and she's sensing a threat. Sounds familiar? That's because it's the very same principle that drives a man too. The difference is when he feels that his territory is invaded, he attacks. So while men will sought out a fight, women naturally don't. Instead, they tell their partner. Now, how they make it known, I suppose is subjective to individual character.

I think men and women are built on the same principles - fundamental human needs (based on Maslow's brilliant pyramid) - physiological, safety, love/belonging, esteem and self-actualization. And they look toward each other to fulfil these fundamental needs. I feel that sometimes we may be too critical and too selfish at the same time. Too much expectation from the partner and too little from oneself. It's so strange to hear people 'adapt' to their relationships but always wished that it could be better, almost as though they are hoping for something as rare as unconditional love. Well, they don't have to. The thing is, such concept cannot be found because it can only be created. I suppose when we want love, we first have to create it instead of waiting for our partner to initiate. Since when have we become so selfish? Hmm...

Well, there're no solutions to these... the debate goes on, the questions even further. What is it about this human relationship that is so intriguing and painful at the same time? Which makes us dive into it again and again nonetheless? I suppose, that's the beauty of the unsolvable mystery of living.

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